


Mutual Metaphysical Masturbation

by SIX_Calavera (sicdog)



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Bullying, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Dubcon Kissing, F/M, Humiliation, Just explicit everything, Name-Calling, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV First Person, Rough Sex, Unfriendly friendship, Vaginal Sex, Verbal Abuse, dick sucking, dubcon, ruined orgasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicdog/pseuds/SIX_Calavera
Summary: You want to masturbate, but- Johnny is there. Because Johnny is always there, all the time, everywhere, no matter what. And he's decided he's not going anywhere.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 25
Kudos: 170





	1. Johnny

"Ugh, fuck- you know when you...d- do that, you're jerking me off too right?" Johnny's voice comes out distracted, lacking his usual tone of dominance and impatience. "F- fuck's sake, V..."

A quick glance around the room and the leather clad brute is easy to spot. He's sitting near my bed, straddling a chair, white knuckling the head rest, his face hidden behind crossed arms and his knee bouncing anxiously as he forces himself to resist mimicking my intentions with his own hands. 

Looks like I won't be getting away with this without Johnny chiming in every two seconds. I should just take the blockers, get rid of him for a bit...just for a bit...

"Don't...even...think about it...." Johnny forces through gritted teeth, his head lifting to meet my eyeline. 

I roll my eyes, irritated I take my hand out of my pants, "Then just fuck off for a bit. Just go wherever it is that you go and leave me to my- extracurriculars...." I shrug, smiling a passive aggressive smile at him, trying to be polite though I'd rather just take a damn pill and shut him up. 

Johnny rolls his head exasperatedly, letting out a deep huff, "I can't believe you're even doing this. Now? You really that bored with our life or death situation, V?" 

I sigh angrily at that. No, of course I'm not fucking bored, how could anyone be bored with this fastival of misery I've found myself in? I'm more than entertained, so much so I need a break from my entertainment. Is that difficult to understand? Am I introducing the concept of denial to you Johnny? 

And..- whatever why the fuck do I have to justify masturbating to the gonk that lives rent free in my head? 

"Jesus, you can really run your mouth, V." Johnny rolls his eyes, I feel a hot coal in my chest when he looks at me, "I didn't choose to be shoved into your head, that was you and your choom's terrible judgement." Johnny cuts in, tearing his shades of and chucking them away from himself in anger. 

I swallow hard, sitting up at attention at his words, "Fuck you Silverhand! You don't know what you're talking about." I shout defensively, tossing a pillow at his head that he dodged deftly. He doesn't ever need to bring Jackie into these conversations....

I decide to try to just ignore him, there's no arguing with someone as hard headed as Johnny. I shut my eyes tight and try to lose myself in my fantasies, slowly rubbing my body and caressing my way down back into my pants. 

Johnny's code can't help but mimic my intentions, his own hand snaking down his stomach and into his pants against his will. His other hand plants itself over his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, "V...." He growls threateningly, but what can he do really...? Serves him right anyway, inserting himself where he doesn't belong... 

My fingers easily find my clit over my panties and I hiss, hips bucking off my bed. An echoed and synchronized masculine hiss comes from Johnny, his torso tightening at the shared sensation, "God- fucking dammit, V. What is wrong with you...?" He groans between gritted teeth. 

I smile knowingly at him, "Mmm- Don't act so prudish Johnny, doesn't fit you." I gasp, breathing coming in heavier puffs now. 

"Not a prude, it's you, V. A fucking gonk discount merc. You're not exactly the caliber I'm used to, so- sorry if I'm not enjoying myself." Johnny retorts, his dilated pupils and heaving chest betraying his reluctance. 

Fucking prick, If he hates me so much he can fuck off, I know he can. So just fuck off, terrorist prick. 

Johnny growls at that, "...Bitch...." But still he doesn't glitch out, his hand still tucked beneath his belt line, softly moving against his cock, "F- fuck...."

Unphased by Johnny's choked moans...I've got someone else on my mind. And this one's decent compared to the arrogant prick chastising me. 

Johnny huffs derisively, his smile twisted by a snarl, "Really? Him? That Arasaka stiff with a stick up his ass?"

My back arches slightly, and Johnny lolls his head back with a sigh in tandem, his breath trembling. 

"Who else is there?" I reply, "Johnny Silverhand? No one's masturbated to him in ages...ha." I mock him. 

I bite my lip, moaning...."Goro...." using the stoic man's first name, my fingers pressing down a bit more roughly. Using his first name feels too intimate, but that's the point. 

Johnny's hand picks up speed slightly, his pants subtly unzipping with the activity, giving me a nice sight line of the head of his dick.

"Come on, fuck- V.... that factory-reset ronin couldn't give two shits about you. And do you know how many women would sell all their implants just to have m- me in their head?" Johnny looks away from me in disgust, and I feel a suffocating grip around my chest, like a vice.

"You have shit taste in men, V. Ah-" Johnny groans as he keeps touching himself. 

I'm not interested in hearing who Johnmh would offer as a replacement. I'd be nervous to hear if, to be honest.

Fuck it- I'm taking those pills.

I pull my hand out of my pants, Johnny's hand follows my actions and it's sudden absence from his pants forces out a strangled groan from him. His body lifting slightly, as if his hand moved away against his wishes, wanting it back on his throbbing cock. 

I lean over my bed, my body hanging over the edge and reach for the blue pills, they're still scattered all over the floor from Johnny and I's first tussle. 

"I said don't, V." Johnny glares at me, still breathing hard. 

I ignore him, counting two pills in my palm and grab a stale Broseph hidden among the empty ones littering my floor. 

"V, don't make me tackle you again, we've finally been getting somewhere, you and I." Johnny growls, staring me down, hoping he'll intimidate me. 

"Catch a few winks Johnny." I reply nonchalantly, "See you in a few hours." I move to toss the blue pills in my mouth but before I can even get them on my tongue Johnny fills up my vision, his body appearing out of nowhere in the blink of an eye and forcing my hand away from my face. His hands wrap around my wrists, pinning me back down on the bed, "Fuck!" I yell.

The pills for flying back to the floor.   
But It doesn't make sense, why it feels like he's actually restraining me. Why I can feel his hands on me. When I think about it, I do not like the implications one fucking bit....

I struggle slightly, growling with a shrill groan, "Get the fuck off, Johnny. I just wanna cum and pass out for the night. Fuck! Can't I do that!? You really gotta try and get in control of every little thing I do?!?" I let my head fall heavy onto my pillow. This is so fucked up, can't do anything without an audience. What a nightmare. 

"I'm not gonna be tossed onto the back burner of your mind while you get yourself off..." Johnny seethes at me, "I'm here too you know? Whether you like it or not, I'm in your head, and from what we've seen so far, it ain't gonna be so easy getting me out." He explains, shaking his head at me, a snarl on his face. 

I don't like thinking that. I much prefer seeing Johnny as a virus infecting my systems, just code without a soul. Makes it much easier to hate his tyrant ass. 

"Don't be fucking stupid, V." Johnny sighs, looking away from me, his sunglasses back on his face, "It ain't that simple. Accept it." 

I roll my eyes at that, I never knew how torturous it would be to have a temperamental freedom fighter narrating fucking everything! He knows the way out, so why's he still on top of me? 

"Your intentions become mine, same as mine become yours. So who really wants this right now?" Johnny pipes up, trying to trip me up. But I see him swallowing hard, he almost looks nervous, he hides it so well if he weren't a tumor in my brain I wouldn't have noticed. 

Johnny sucks his teeth at me and shakes his head, disgust apparent on his face as his hands tighten around my wrist. I feel my stomach flip, like standing on the edge of a drop. 

It's clear through our delicate connection that he doesn't know the answer to his question either. And he also doesn't like the implications...

"Fuck, V. This is fucked up." Johnny shivers, "This...this ain't gonna happen." He commands, his forearms shivering slightly, and just who is he trying to talk of this? 

I stare up into his eyes, -fuck he seems so real sometimes- his weight still keeping me pinned down, "Come on, Johnny. Use your anarchist philosophy. Honestly, I thought you'd be down with some weird sexual self-experimentation shit." 

Johnny chuckles, not something he does regularly..."Nice try, V. But this falls well outside the tenets of anarchy. Not even I could spin this as some violent protest or rebellious expression against oppression." Johnny's eyes trace down my face, my eyes to my lips, down my neck to my chest...."You and I both know this is on another level of fucked, and the only things involved are you and me. No rulebook for this." 

I stare Johnny down when his eyes come back to meet mine, my expression as dangerous as I can make it, "Don't mean to put you out Johnny, but, there's a simple fucking solution. Little blue pill and..." I shrug at him, confident that my meaning comes through without the need for words. 

He jolts his arms, somehow pinning me deeper into the bed, "No, V! I'm not taking those pills. Stop asking, I'm not fucking around!" It's clear Johnny doesn't trust me one bit. He doesn't see me letting him come back after taking just one. 

I shrug, a noncommittal smile on my face as I raise my brows at him, "Well Johnny...then either piss or get off the pot." 

We can't stay like this forever, and Johnny knows me well enough at this point, he knows I'm a stubborn asshole just as much as he is. So....

Johnny stares down at me, mouth slightly open as he breathes unsteadily, his body straddles mine and even without our connection there's no way he isn't able to sense my rapid heart beat, the heat singing through my body. 

I feel my body ignite, like there's a fire growing inside me, so got it might kill me. Johnny swallows, his heart in his throat, "Fuck...." 

In a flash his lips are on mine, his jet black hair tickling my ears as he rewards my bitching with a hungry kiss. 

What the fuck? Fuck I didn't think he'd actually do it. Arrogant piece of shit.   
God damnit why does he feel so real....

Fuck, it's good...I open my mouth to take him in deeper, kissing him back eagerly once the initial shock is gone. Johnny responds with shoving his tongue into my mouth. It's sloppy and angry but it's just what I need. 

"This what you wanted, V? I know it is." Johnny whispers hotly against my skin, his teeth bared as he breaks the kiss and I can't tell if he's going to bite me or kiss me....

I stare at him with heavily lidded eyes, my body responding excitedly to whatever it is that's going on right now.   
I'm not blind...Johnny is an attractive man. But...he's an asshole, he doesn't give a shit about anyone, and he tried to kill me. So why do I still...? 

"Keep kissing me, asshole." I growl, shutting up his gloating. 

Johnny smirks, only for a fleeting moment. I feel through our connection, a feeling of falling as he looks down at me underneath him, a bad feeling in his gut. Excitement. Worry. He tries to shake the feeling off as quick as he can, "Alright let's get this over with." He replies bluntly. 

His hands finally let me go now that he's confident I won't try and take the blockers, so I take the opportunity to reach up and pull him back down to me, grabbing him by the neck of his shirt to bring his lips back to mine. 

Johnny's grunts at my rough pulling but he gives in quickly, his hands finding their way to my hair, gripping it tightly, he can't help himself and tries to control the kiss. He keeps me at a length that he sets, far, too far to press myself against him the way I want to. 

I swallow, my face twisting in impatience, "Johnny!" I yell at him angrily, pulling at him harder in response.

Johnny chuckles, for the second time today...."Get the hype now?" He teases. 

"Please shut up already." I breath, pressing my lips against his as much as I could. His hands still hold a firm grip on my hair, keeping his lips torturously far from mine, only allowing a fleeting caress that tickles my lips and infuriates me. It's clear he just wants me to hurt myself at this point, making me pull painfully away from his hand around my hair, just to feel his mouth on me....

Johnny's body seems to start building tension, I can feel the frustration starting to build up inside him and it's layering over my own. It's hard to separate the two. Johnny breaks another sloppy kiss, a thin thread of saliva connecting our mouths. He gives my hair a spiteful tug before letting go and letting my head drop to the bed. 

In a flurry of hurried and desperate movements Johnny grips onto my thighs, his sudden impatience making his grabs at me aggressive and needy. He shoves my body into a position he wants, pushing my knees apart, yanking me downwards and situating his hips between my thighs. Manipulating me until I'm right where he wants me. 

His dick is straining against those leather pants and it is very obvious. This may tarnish my character but- God am I glad he died in those specific pants. They don't leave much to the imagination, and in the right situation and at the right angle- he's magnetic. 

I need to touch him, feel him in my hands but before doing anything more, Johnny drops to his arms, his hands at either side of my head, his face tucked into the crook of my neck, "Fuck, V. It's like a fucking feedback loop. I...can't-" Johnny doesn't finish his thought before moving his hips against mine. 

I gasp slightly, feeling Johnny's hard cock straining against his pants, rubbing slightly against my throbbing crotch, my body suddenly feels too hot, painfully hot, "Oh....fuck, Johnny." I moan. 

"Never thought I'd hear you sayin' my name like that, V...." Johnny jokes, but he feels inhibited, his body quivering faintly. He humps me again, and I buck right back, wanting to feel him closer, harder against me. 

I feel his bristling aura, like holding the end of a wire that spans miles and miles, receiving his emotions and thoughts as subtle ripples and vibrations. It's distant, but getting closer, stronger and clearer. 

Johnny keeps thrusting, slowly building up speed until he's overwhelming. It feels like he doesn't care if I'm even there, like I'm just something to help release the pressure he's now building up. But maybe the feeling is mutual. 

His rigid body bucks against mine, I can feel his hard cock through his pants and it's just pissing me off all the more that he doesn't just tear my clothes off and put it in me already. 

"I don't care what happens, Johnny. Just fuck me!" I yell at him, clawing at his back. 

Johnny keeps bucking against me, moaning and huffing as he does so, but I keep trying to get at his pants, my fingers fumbling with his buckle.

"Fine!" Johnny yells, "Just- stop fuckin' whinin'." Johnny pushes himself away from me, and starts to unbutton my pants, his fingers shakily find purchase on my clothes and starts to yank downwards. I lift my hips as he continues to tug off my pants, he feels like he'd rather just tear them off but settles for angrily pulling them off. 

He tosses the clothes to the side, and with a renewed sense of urgency he turns his attention to himself, unfastening his buckle and tugging his leather pants down and off of him. I don't know why it shocks me, but he's actually got briefs on, I almost wanna laugh....

"Don't fucking start, V. I don't get it either." Johnny curls his fingers around his cock and pulls himself free from his briefs.   
God fucking damn it, it's really starting to piss me off how well sculpted he is....

Johnny doesn't react to those thoughts, his need is getting stronger and it's worsening his mood. Johnny takes my legs and throws them over his shoulders, with a quick tug of my panties he has enough of an opening to waste no time and thrust deep inside me.

Time feels like it stops, then it feels like it breaks like glass. Something has shifted but I don't care to understand more than that at the moment. 

Johnny stutters, not expecting the sensation. His eyes going wide before his head drops besides mine yet again, breathing hot air against my ears, "holy- fuck- you feel s- you feel real. Fuck!" He sputters out. 

The feeling is overwhelming, like he doesn't just penetrate but fills me up entirely, I feel a wave of blindingly white pleasure all the up to my eyes. He's barely inside me and I'm already seeing stars. And at this angle, with my knees almost touching my ears, Johnny finds places inside me I didn't even know I had. 

I could only give a sharp gasp as I felt him, instinctively wrapping myself tighter around him, wanting to overdose on whatever this sensation was. 

"Fuck- Johnny! Oh my g-" I moaned, tossing my head back, not knowing what to do with myself while we both tried to deal with the overwhelming feeling of sex with one another 

We could barely get any words out, Johnny just grunted and finally started thrusting into me. His rhythm stuttering and jerking every now and then, it's still too much, it's so good, but it's paralyzing. 

I kept sputtering and whining out expletives, begging him to do more, to fuck me harder, eventually he just growled and planted his hand over my mouth. 

"V...." Johnny warns, subtlety telling me to shut my mouth but too lost in the pleasure to spare the energy to actually be angry. 

With his rough hand muffling my moans, I could only grip onto him, try to pull him closer into me. He felt so impossibly deep inside me, the pleasure he brought making my eyes roll back in my head, making it almost difficult to breathe, to even think. 

I needed this, and boy was Johnny delivering. This was better than fucking while high, Johnny knew exactly where to hit, when to slow down and when to speed up. This must be what the dolls on jig jig street strive to do when they pair up with clients. 

I could feel that I was close...Johnny suddenly began kissing and biting at my neck, his thrusts speeding up slightly. His hand leaves my mouth to grip onto the blankets surrounding us, his knuckles go white with his grip as he fucks me harder. 

"Fuck! Johnny I'm so close!" I scream, then biting my lip so hard in concentration it might bleed. 

His teeth were nipping at the shell of my ear, his hot breathing and grunting in my ear, "I know." He whispered.

And then his lips were on mine again, kissing hungrily, as if he were demanding my attention. He gobbled up my moans and whimpers as he pounded me with his cock. I felt my insides tense up around him, but he didn't stop, he only pounded faster. He was forcing out a squirting orgasm from my body, pounding my g spot until my pussy became a sopping mess. 

"Oh fuck, Johnny!" I screamed, barely being able to hold onto my bed sheets as he pounded into me. 

Suddenly he sat up and pulled himself out, his cock still hard bouncing up and out of me, flicking droplets of my juices over myself and Johnny's own clothes, and letting my orgasm burst out of me. 

With that, Johnny started to pump himself over my body, it didn't take much from him to cum as well, spurts of white, viscous, liquid shot out onto my crotch and clothes. To my shame I instinctively opened my mouth so I might catch something of him.   
Didn't happen, sadly. 

Johnny finished and flopped over next to me, his chest heaving fiercely, still grunting every now and then with satisfaction. I was in a similar state, fucking exhausted and my skin drenched with sweat. That took a lot out of us, in more ways than one. 

"Whatever that was, it sure beats fucking as flesh and blood. Fucking christ, V." Johnny huffs, shaking his head slightly, his eyes wide, the reality of what just happened slowly dawning on him. 

"Yeah. I've never done that before...." I reply, still out of breath. 

Johny sits up slightly, "Wait what? You're a vir-" 

"No, Johnny. You dumbass." I roll my eyes, pushing his face away from me, "I've never cum like that before." 

Johnny let his head flop back onto the pillow, pulling his arm under his head to rest on it, "Oh..." With his free hand he lit the cig that appeared in his mouth, "Yeah, never thought I'd get you to do that either." 

"You done that before?" I ask, one part interested and one part...feeling slightly territorial....

Johnny took a long drag of his cig, holding the smoke for a second, squinting at me suspiciously, "Once or twice." He let the smoke blow out, slow and easy, "Takes a...special situation." Johnny's gaze slowly drifts over to me, his expression is unreadable.

I felt like more could be said there but I was too exhausted to even try to continue the conversation. My eyes began to weigh heavily and eventually I drifted off to sleep, Johnny laying next to me, lazily taking puffs from his cigarette as I slept. 

I wake up with a jolt the next morning, my body seizing and my head pounding. I nearly scream at the pain as I sit up, my hands clutching at my face as if I might muffle the pain somehow. 

Warnings and jumbled text are blaring in red, littering my optics and taking over my vision as I blink about the room. 

I can barely see, the static and aberration making me feel sick, "Ah! J- Johnny!" I scream to him with what little strength I can muster. He's the only person who could possibly help or stop what's happening, who could show up when I need him to.   
I go to stand but my knees buckle underneath my weight and I collapse on all fours. 

"No, no, no, V. I won't let you. You need some air. Now." Johnny responds, appearing in front of me and kneeling down to examine my face. His own expression is a mask of worry, I sense a pierce of anxiety in my chest that doesn't feel my own. Something sharp and cold like a poisoned dagger. 

Johnny's careful not to touch me, but he watches me nervously as I drag myself to my feet, "Ugh....g- fuck. It's getting worse, Johnny...." I lean against the partition between my bathroom and my bed, "I...I need a shower first, Johnny."

I don't say much more than that, my optics feeling like they're burning holes through my skull. 

I blink and don't see Johnny in the room anymore. Guess he's had enough of my theatrics for today...

I groan, an echoed response in my mind, 'It's not that, V.' It feels like my thought but it's making my head pound. There's more silence after that. 

I shuffle my way into my bathroom, staring into the mirror for a few moments to catch my breath before pulling my shirt and underwear off, the pain and aberration slowly dissipating until it's nothing more than a faint pulsating pain.   
My body still aches but not in the way it usually does. There's a...a nice ache, a soreness, besides the migraine pain. My body's well spent thanks to Johnny's attention, it feels like satisfaction. 

It all comes back at once as I remember last night and suddenly I want to go again, I also...dread having to look at the guy. Not sure how these situations typically go but...if there's a conversation to be had between Johnny and I, I'm not excited about it. 

I step into the small shower and turn the water on, and Johnny appears, leaning on the sink as if he'd heard me say that last bit out loud. 

"So, how you feelin'?" Johnny asks innocently enough. His dark glasses hiding his eyes. 

Difficult to "One Night Stand" someone who lives in your peripheral. I swallowed and sighed tiredly, opting for playing it cool for now, "Well, that wasn't the worst way I've ever woken up. It was close second though." 

Johnny nods to himself, knowing the morning I'm referencing, seeing the memory in his mind's eye as if it had happened yesterday. It wasn't a good morning for him either...that trash heap, fighting alongside an Arasaka cyber ninja...

Pushing away from the sink and rounding the corner of the shower partition, I watch him in slight horror as he walks past the wall separating us. 

"Johnny, watcha doing?" I ask, staring at him in confusion.

"Not gonna talk to you if I can't see you." He snaps at me. 

I shake my head at him, "Need the contact?" I ask, wondering if the water will even touch him.  
Johnny shrugs noncommittally, shooing my questions away before standing just outside the spray of the shower water. 

Johnny leans against the wall, staring at me, he's not even staring at my body sexually, he's just....watching. And to my surprise he is actually getting a bit wet. His hair collects tiny droplets of water as the faint spray from the shower hits him slightly. His chest glistening thanks to the now humid air in the bathroom. 

"How-" 

Johnny shrugs again, "It's what you'd expect, isn't it?" 

My eyebrows knit together, eyes flicking left and right trying to grasp onto what this could mean. Johnny isn't a figment of any imagination, no, he's so much more than that, I'll admit it. But still, he's not flesh and blood. So I have to assume my expectations matter, and...his too. Why else would I be able to feel his touch? For both of us to be able to somehow control each other's actions? No- not control, encourage what's already there.

After a few more uncomfortable moments of Johnny watching me I finally ask, "You gonna be this broody all day?" 

Johnny rolls his shoulders and looks away, "You worry me sometimes, V." He offers, crossing his arms over his chest. Making his muscles bulge. 

"Going soft are you?" I tease him, taking a nice long look at his body. 

"Nah, just don't want your lights going out just yet." Johnny pushes himself away from the wall, walking slightly closer "Things're gonna be different now, you realize that, V?" He comments, letting the water run over himself as he steps close to me, Johnny looks down at me, "And I don't mean stupid shit like you being my new output. Something shifted last night, or didn't you notice?" 

I remember the feeling, like a layer being peeled back between us, like a gasp of freezing air after being in a stuffy room. Feeling. Defenseless. Vulnerable. 

"Yeah, yeah I know. But...what's it matter?" I question, pinned between Johnny and the wall of the shower. 

Johnny's eyes trace my face, "I don't know." His hand reaches up to cradle my chin, giving me a deep kiss, "Maybe it don't. Only got two choices in the end, we fix this or..." Johnny trailed off, leaving out the obvious. 

Yeah, I die. Is he trying to make me feel stupid for what happened last night? Like I've brought on more trouble for us thanks to something as trivial as being horny? He was just as much a part of it as I was. Maybe even more so. 

Johnny leans away from me sucking his teeth at me and leaves the shower, disappearing for one moment and reappearing again, dry, before dipping out of the bathroom. 

I sigh to myself, leaning against the shower wall letting the hot water wash over me. I stay there for almost an hour before finally mustering up the energy to face Night City again.


	2. Judy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a fun new way to shut Johnny up. (Extra long bonus chapter.)

Quickly gathering my things, I have to head over to Judy's place. I agreed to help her track down Evelyn Parker, I just hope we're not too late. 

"Is it really worth wasting time on these girls, V? Don't you think we have bigger problems?" 

My hands grip the steering wheel tightly, I feel like I might actually try and hit Johnny, "You're starting to sound like me. And yes, Johnny. They're worth wasting time on." 

Johnny throws his feet up on the dashboard, "Don't get pissy with me, V." Johnny retaliates, and I stare spitefully at his boots on my dash, "And please, don't insult me." He drawls sarcastically, lighting up a cig and staring out the window. 

Whatever last night did, it definitely didn't bring us much closer. If anything it's made things more difficult. I find Johnny irritating me much more easily today. Maybe he's rubbing off on me. 

Johnny chuckles, expelling smoke from his nose as he grins inwardly. 

"Oh, shut up, Johnny." I shake my head at him, chin resting on my palm, bored at a stop light. 

"Stop thinking about me so loudly then." Johnny teases, tapping his foot to the music on the radio. Completely at ease, as if he weren't the one full of worry last night. 

"I'm not." I huff, staring hard at the traffic light, cursing it for not turning faster...."I'm thinking about Evelyn. Where she might be." 

It wasn't a total lie, I had thought about her, once or twice, during this drive....

Johnny hums amusedly, his head turning towards me, "You're a good liar, V. I'll be the first to compliment you. But you can't lie to me." 

I sneer at him, "Of course not. You're constantly reading my thoughts."

Johnny deflates at that, and I can feel his weighty disappointment, he takes a drag of his cig, "I'm not reading your thoughts, stupid gonk. Way to over simplify." He grunts, then exhales smoke slowly.

The light finally turns green and I punch it, eager to get to Judy's, to talk to someone other than Johnny. 

Whatever. He's not reading my thoughts, I get that. It's more than that. But acknowledging it....it's too much. There's a lot to be in denial about it seems, hopefully I can keep it up. 

"Hey..." Johnny pipes up, and I feel something hollow and seeping in my chest, like realizing you're going to have a bad trip from some synthetic shrooms. 

Johnny spoke but a few silent moments pass by, and It seems like Johnny might not finish his thought. To be honest I don't feel like talking right now but- reluctantly I push further, "What, Johnny?" 

"I'm gonna say somethin' and you have to promise not to lose your shit." Johnny starts, his voice severe.

I can feel myself getting annoyed already, "What is it?" 

"You're not gonna lose your shit, are you, V?" Johnny presses. 

I pull up to Judy's apartment, and shift the car into park, "Johnny, I don't have time for this right now. Ask your stupid question later, alright?" I shoot him down, exasperatedly.

God what's up with me. Johnny is fucking annoying but I can usually handle him. I just feel....rage, and I don't know why. 

Johnny crosses his arms behind his head, relaxing deeper into his seat, "Fine. Go on then." He replies dryly. 

I get out of the car and am about to slam the door behind me, but I quickly glance to see if Johnny's still in the car. He's gone of course, off to wherever it is that he goes. I close the door and walk into Judy's building. 

Judy's not home yet, and she texts me to just wait outside for a while. I sigh, but I surrender to the waiting and lean against the guard rail on the floor where Judy lives. 

I look down to the people below, drinking and listening to music. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a split second, I start to count the seconds of silence in my mind but then I hear Johnny's voice. 

"So, we just gonna sit here?" He asks tiredly, leaning back against the same rail as me, elbows back in a relaxed position. 

I cast a sidelong glance at him, not really wanting to acknowledge him, "Why do you always have those stupid sunglasses on? We're inside." 

He flips to face the same direction as me, leaning his elbows against the rail, flipping his sunglasses off, "You rather look me in the eye?" He teases. His almond eyes staring deeply into me. 

I swallow, and lick my lips distastefully, but I don't respond. His stare is too intense, I have to look away. I feel almost like I shouldn't look at him too long. 

Johnny slips his glasses back on, "Didn't think so. You know the saying, the abyss'll stare back." 

My face twitches at that, brows furrowing, not entirely understanding what he means by that. 

"Come on, V. Let's get out of here. There are better things we could be doing." Johnny suggests, I suddenly feel like I'm falling. My body jolts but there's nothing wrong, nothing's happened, "Shit." Johnny curses. I get the sense he didn't mean for me to feel that. 

I start to feel more aware of him somehow, his closeness, his body heat, "N- no, Johnny. I promised I'd help so I'm gonna." 

Johnny sighs, pushing away from the railing and disappearing from my peripheral. 

"V." Johnny calls from some place I can't see. I roll my eyes and turn away from the railing. 

"What, Johnn-" I'm cut off by Johnny appearing and trapping me between his arms. He holds on to the railing and I instinctively put my hands up against his chest. 

"Let's get out of here." He breathes, and what before was a sensation I couldn't describe, is now an overwhelming craving I can't deny. His face is so close to mine, his lips threaten to touch my own. 

My eyes go wide at his lack of tact, "Johnny. What the fuck is wrong with you?" I try to keep my voice low, not wanting the entire building to hear me. 

"What's wrong with me is this is a waste of fucking time." He pushes himself away, throwing his arms up in defeat, "Who gives a shit! We've got us to think about, V!" 

I swallow hard, my mouth feeling dry. Okay....I'm really confused now.... What's with this...selfishness...this....apathy.... 

"Johnny...." I whisper gently, "Are you alright...?" 

Johnny goes still, his back still facing me, he slowly looks down, at his hands, at himself. He shakes his head, "I....I don't know...." 

....V....  
....What....  
....What we did. It's...fucking with us somehow. In the car you....you were....  
....it was like I was in a conversation with myself.  
....I got like that pretty much anytime I spoke with....  
....With Alt....

Johnny's voice echoes in my head, not needing to speak with words. His thoughts are mine. And I don't need to see his eyes to know they're boring into me. 

That question you were going to ask, Johnny. What was it? 

Johnny shakes his head, stepping closer, he wonders why this question popped into his head in the first place. 

....I was gonna ask about last night....  
....What if....  
....We did it again?....

"I thought...." I stutter, pacing slightly in front of Johnny, "I thought we'd decided that was a bad idea?" 

"Yeah. It is a bad idea. But when's that stopped you? And have you puked today?" 

I snort a bit at that, "I'm sorry what?" 

"The chip, V." Johnny taps his head, "How many times has it malfunctioned today?" 

I frown, trying to conjure up a number but truthfully....I haven't had issues today. 

"Maybe, this fucked up thing we've discovered. Helping. When you're not fighting me so goddamn hard, you can actually live in your body without consequences."

"So I should fuck you to keep you happy, is that it?" 

Johnny doesn't reply to that, he just smirks and looks away, hiding behind his glasses and stark black hair, stomping out a cigarette I didn't even notice he had been smoking.

....Maybe we're onto something here, V.... 

"Besides, I know you wanna go again. Can't hide that from me." Johnny tempts me, he suddenly shoots an accusatory finger at me, "And, you started it. Now you're pissed I want to continue it?" 

"For the record I wanted to fuck myself. Not you." I scoff, turning away. 

"Sure you did, V. Keep telling yourself that." Johnny replies, leaning back against Judy's door, throwing one leg over the other and stretching like a languid cat. 

I shake my head, checking my phone for a message from Judy. God, Johnny. I was willing to admit that maybe the first time was a fluke, but Johnny asking me....  
We're too similar to each other sometimes, can't trust either of our thoughts. We can both be selfish pricks. 

But Johnny's also a reckless freedom fighter, and that comes with traits I don't understand. I wanna save myself while he still wants to save the world. Usually that's our dynamic, at least...-don't know what's gotten into him lately. 

Maybe he's right. Maybe we stumbled onto something useful last night.

Before I have a chance to reply to Johnny's question my phone finally rings, it's Judy saying she's entering the building. I turn around to tell Johnny but he's gone. 

I sigh with relief, can't stand him being around today. 

"Hey, V!" Judy beams, we've been getting closer thanks to working together to track down Eve, "You're looking better than usual today. What've you been up to?" She continues as she unlocks her front door, shooting me glances every now and then. 

"I...w- really? No I haven't been doing anything." I rub the back of my head awkwardly. If anything I've been feeling worse every day....I guess today has been better than most though. 

The door opens up and she prompts me to follow, as she's entering her home and throwing her bag and things onto her counter she continues, "Well whatever it is you should keep it up. You seem...more imposing..."

I give a sputtering laugh at that, "Judy what're you saying?" 

She chuckles nervously, "I don't know, V. You just look good today." She sets me with genuine eyes, she hasn't looked this carefree since I've known her. It's actually nice to feel like we're just hanging out, haven't had that feeling for a while. 

"Don't lose focus, kid." Johnny appears and knocks on my skull with rough knuckles, I feel him and wince, but luckily Judy doesn't notice a thing.  
"Finger on the trigger, V. We hear her out, we delta." Johnny finishes, punctuating his orders with a thumb jab towards the door. 

I don't want to say Johnny tends to be my voice of reason, because I don't think he's got my best interests in mind. But he's persuasive, and sure sounds like he knows what he's doing. 

Judy and I end up spend hours scrubbing through BD footage before finally finding a lead, crushing Johnny's hopes for a quick and easy entrance and exit. It looks like our next destination is going to be Clouds, a BD club in Japantown. 

....This is a deadend, V. You took on this shit show from this Evelyn chick because there wasn't anyone around to knock some sense into your gonk head. But I'm here now. Though, that still ain't gonna stop you, is it? Maybe Evelyn herself'll set you straight. Sure seems like she doesn't want to be found....

It's difficult not to second guess myself, but I try to continue my conversation with Judy, despite Johnny's interruptions, we agree that I'll go in and infiltrate the club, try and see what I can find about Eve's whereabouts. 

"Want a drink?" Judy offers, already holding out a cold Broseph to me.

"Uhhh..." I flounder for a moment, hesitatingly taking it from her, "I should really head out, Judy." I admit, feeling Johnny tapping his foot behind me. 

"Alright, V. I just hope you take the chance for a break sometime soon." Judy guilts me, although I know she genuinely means it. 

I sigh, eying the beer in my hand with pursed lips and a reluctant expression, "Alright maybe just one." I exhale, and as soon as the words leave my mouth Johnny appears and leans against the kitchen counter, his head cocking towards me, a sarcastic smile on his face, pointedly reminding me of his presence. 

But I ignore him and suck down the alcohol, hoping it'll somehow dampen the effects of Johnny in my head. Judy doesn't notice my keeper and just smiles with humor at my gusto. 

We sit and drink for a couple hours, while Johnny busies himself by pacing around the room, making small comments about Judy's personal effects. Mostly he sounds fairly impressed, "Girl's got taste, I'll give'r that." 

After my third drink, Johnny stomps his long legs back over to me and leans in close to my ear, "Come on, V. You're getting drunk, let's go before you're wasted." He whispers tiredly. Obviously breathing into my ear for the effect on me, not for the sake of being quiet. 

I sigh, shivering slightly and set my third empty bottle down on Judy's counter, "Alright, Judy. I'm outta here." I stand up with a light grunt, flashing her a friendly smile as I grab my jacket and throw it back on. 

Judy grabs the discarded bottles with a flurry of clinks and sets them near the sink, she turns back to me with a hand on her hip, "Want me to drive you?"

I wobble slightly but I know it's not the beer. I clench my eyes, trying to will away the subtle chromatic aberration at the edges of my vision, "No, no, I'm alright, just tired. I'll talk to you soon, Judy."  
As I walk past her I give her a gentle squeeze on her shoulder as silent thanks, she responds with a knowing smile and a fleeting touch of her fingers on mine. 

Judy turned out to be quite the soothing presence in my life. When I first met her she wasn't shy about her distrust for me, I guess I've proven myself...and thank God for that, I don't know if I'd survive having Johnny as my only friend. 

....She seems to like you, V....

Johnny teases as I step heavily down the stairs. 

'Shut up, Johnny...'

I feel a bubble of humor in my chest but it feels more like anxiety to me, 

....Come on, V. I feel that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when she looks at you....

I drop my tired body roughly into the driver's seat of my car, "Yeah well, genuine people are hard to come by. Don't always know how to deal with it. She's...nice...for no other reason than...that's just who she is." 

Johnny lights up a cigarette in the passengers seat, throwing his legs up on the dashboard, he looks down at his chest seemingly lost in thought for a moment, his dog tags somehow reflecting the sunlight.

I turn over the engine and grip the steering wheel, "Assholes like you are what I'm used to." I spit spitefully at Johnny. 

His face drops, and I feel like the earth suddenly sinks below me. Johnny taps the ash off the end of his cigarette, "Get used to me, Kid. I'm the asshole you're in this together with, till the end." 

Johnny looks over at me, but my eyes are firmly planted on the road ahead of me, it's clear I'm not going to turn around. Johnny chuckles to himself, amused by my stubbornness, and decides to stare out the passenger window for the rest of the ride, pausing only to reach for the radio to prompt my body to turn it on. 

I tap the button for the elevator to my apartment building. 

I repeatedly tap the button for the elevator to my apartment building. 

I punch the button for the elevator to my apartment building!

"Ugh..." I groan loudly, "When are they going to fix this shitty elevator." 

"Shit, V. You tryna impress me with that short temper?" Johnny jokes, leaning lazily against the elevator doors. 

I snort at that, "Just tired. Don't worry Johnny, you're still the biggest dick out of the two of us." 

Johnny's head bobs along with his salacious laughter, "You'd know, wouldn't you, V." 

Johnny shuffles slightly closer, and my eyes flick nervously from him to the still unresponsive elevator. I swallow as his metallic arm tosses his spent cigarette to the ground, and his undivided attention is on me. I close my eyes and bite my lip, trying to ignore his closeness, ignore the pull at my hips as his metallic arm wraps around my waist. 

The rocker leans in close to me, "Fuck. Johnny." I make the mistake of opening my eyes, his sunglasses are resting above his hairline, and his eyes are boring into mine. It sends my heart thundering in my chest, I feel excited, terrified. 

His lips are so close to mine. I want to kiss him so badly, to give in, to feel that same white hot shot to my soul that I did last night.

But, I can't, not here on such a busy floor of this building, can't get away either. Can't elbow him away, I can't yell at him, everyone'll think I've gone cyberpsycho....

Johnny's too close, but I don't move as he leans in ever closer, disregarding the little space between us and his lips are on mine. He's hot and demanding, his tongue impatient and insisting entrance to my mouth. 

I have to give in, just a bit. 

Our kiss is fleeting, his soft lips on mine for just a moment before I have to pull away, trapping a moan in my throat. I cover my mouth just to make double sure I don't make any embarrassing noises. 

Johnny smirks at me, flipping his glasses back down onto his nose, "What. Scared someone'll see you kissing air?" Johnny crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the broken elevator, "Didn't think you had any shame, V." 

I grind my teeth painfully, staring daggers into his smug face, I raise my fist and shoot it towards Johnny's chest. I see him cock his brow before glitching out of the way and out of sight. 

I feel eyes on me and turn around to see the faces of a few confused passerbys, I chuckle nervously at them and give a waxy smile. A ding and the muffled voices of newscasters break the awkward silence and the elevator doors finally open.

I take a deep breath, trying to steel my nerves as I step into the elevator. I turn my attention to the brain numbing shows they play on the elevator screens. 

Johnny leans over my shoulder, "You wear pissed off pretty well, V. This what I'm like?" Swooping a long leg he steps in front of me and blocks my view of the commercials on screen. 

It's like we switched roles today, Johnny is far too talented an instigator. 

"No wonder you can't stand how much you want me." 

I stare at him angrily, he simply raises his eyebrows expectantly in response. 

For some reason that gets to me, like he's carefree, he's always getting on my ass for that type of shit. But he's allowed to act like everything is normal. I'm the one that's fucked. Doesn't he care? No, of course not, he tried to kill me after all. 

He's looking at me like I'm significant. 

I suddenly smile as sweetly as I can muster, Johnny's name dripping from my tongue like golden honey.

"Johnny." I cock my head at him, "Seems to me like it's the other way around." 

I sidle up closer to him, wrapping my arms around him and he seems to flinch at my sudden closeness, that feeling of freefalling back in my stomach. My hands find the emergency stop behind him and hit the button. 

The elevator comes to a halt and I smile a toothy grin at him, Johnny doesn't return the smile, opting instead to stare down at me as if I might hurt him at any moment. 

His brows furrow and his shoulders tense, nearly touching his ears. But I ignore that, closing the distance between our lips and kissing him deeply. 

"Mmph..." Johnny groans against my lips, "V..."

I take my hands against his chest, sliding them up until I can wrap my hand around Johnny's throat, I use enough force thay his head hits the wall of the elevator and I can see his nervous eyes watching me from beneath his dark glasses, "You've been an ass all day today." I say in a threatening tone, "So I'm going to take this opportunity, and fuck with you right back."

If anything, at least I've discovered an exciting new way to get back at Johnny. Sometimes insults and threats of blue pills just aren't enough. 

Johnny's forehead creases and his brows twitch, but he doesn't make a move to fight back or shove me away, I drop to my knees and I see Johnny's eyes widen beneath his aviators. I can hear his ragged breaths, breathing out of his nose in heavier puffs  
as he watches me kneel before him.

"Get up, V. What're you doing?" Johnny asks, feigning a completely unphased tone, even scoffing under his breath as if he might ridicule me for thinking this could get to him. 

But I palm him through his leather pants and it shuts him up in spectacular fashion. His breath hitches, his chest filling with trapped moans, Johnny looks away from me as he tries and fails horribly at hiding his expression of pleasure from me. 

"Fuck-" he curses, eyes clenching closed. 

I unzip his pants and free his thick cock from his clothes, he starts puffing air hard and fast from his nose. For a moment I'm actually worried I might've broken him. But I look up and can see him clawing at his face, tearing the dark sunglasses off and looking down at me with pleading eyes. 

I smile, already getting the exact reaction I wanted. 

I pump his cock with agonizingly gentle hands, painfully slow I thumb the sensitive tip. 

Johnny throws a fist back against the elevator wall, the loud bang making me jump slightly before smiling in humor at his violent reaction. 

Johnny's trying his damndest not to react loudly to my attention but he's failing miserably and his attempts are all the more dramatic for it.

I continue, placing soft kisses along the length of his cock, giving the faintest of licks along the tip. Tasting him gingerly as if he were something piping hot. 

It's not enough, it's nothing short of torture and Johnny can't help but react in equal measure. His legs quivering slightly, threatening to buckle underneath him, soft grunts and growls coming from him, at a loss of what to do to just make me....make me do something about his pain. 

He doesn't make a move to get more friction- and he calls me stubborn-, he clamps his hands down against his sides, refusing to look down at me.

"Wow, Johnny Silverhand turned into a quivering mess by a two-bit merc." I lick my teeth, giving him a predatory grin, daring him to look me in my eyes, "Not so arrogant now, are you Johnny?" 

Johnny's eyes finally reach mine, but the moment is short lived, "Shut the fuck up, V. Just put me in your mouth already." Johnny looks away, his hand covering his mouth, overwhelmed by the faintest amount of closeness between our bodies. 

"Yeah, teasing's a dick move, ain't it?" I reply sarcastically, I'm getting far too much enjoyment from seeing Johnny like this, "You must be a bad influence, Johnny."

Johnny keeps his hand firmly over his mouth, trying to keep his moans from escaping, his eyes clenched in concentration. He's gripping his aviators in his other hand, pushing them dangerously close to snapping in half. 

I smile, then give a long lick up the shaft of Johnny's dick. 

Johnny's entire body is racked with a shiver, and I think he might vibrate out of existence for a second, "Fuck, V...." He moans. 

I take it a step further, sucking as little of his tip as I can. Swirling my tongue around the small amount of space I've taken into my mouth. 

"God you're such a bitch." Johnny groans, slamming a fist down against the elevator wall once again. 

I start pumping his cock, sucking more of the tip of his dick, Johnny gasps as if he's been punched in the gut. His hand shakingly reaching toward my head, hovering above my hair, not daring to touch me. 

His hips buck involuntarily, pushing him slightly further into my mouth, Johnny whimpers, a surprisingly pathetic sound from such a proud man, and I feel a flash of oily black hate between my chest and throat, "Fuck. Shit." He curses. 

I tease him for a little while more before I take him in deeper. My tongue and lips tracing over every inch of him before I let him fill my mouth completely. I open up my throat and let him enter me as deep as I can take him. 

His cock is suddenly engulfed in my hot mouth and his entire body tenses, rather than be finally alleviated, a painful weight of tension stacks up heavier and heavier on his shoulders. 

"Agh! Fuck!" Johnny gasps, his hand grabbing a fistful of my hair, "Yes, just like that. Oh fuck, V...."

I slurp him down greedily, his taste is neutral and I can easily see myself enjoying doing this more often. It's the most agreeable he's been during our entire time together. 

I don't care about making it look pretty and let his precum and my saliva mingle and drop down my chin, I open my mouth wide and let his cock rest on my tongue. Johnny looks down at my display and grits his teeth at me. His hand reaches around my cheek, moving hair out of my face, "Fuck, V...." 

His hand cups my face, his fingers curling around my ear in a caress that feels entirely too affectionate, and makes me feel too close to being a pet. 

I curl my lips back slightly and let my teeth gently bounce on his sensitive tip, Johnny hisses violently and goes back to taking a fistful of my hair, squeezing tightly as a warning. 

"Youuuuuu fucking-....." Johnny stops himself, swallowing his insults, he grunts and growls, humming as he tries to regain his breath.

I go back to sucking him into my mouth, enjoying his increasingly loud moans, Johnny starts to buck his hips harder against me and I can feel him getting close to release. 

I move back, his cock leaving my mouth, a mess of saliva and precum between us as I stand up and wipe my mouth. Johnny watches me with unabashed disappointment as I stand and face him. 

"Now what?" Johnny asks, clearly impatient as he waits for my next move. 

I curl my hand around his still straining cock, pressing my body against him so he's almost between my legs. Johnny's chest fills again with a moan he keeps inside, looking down at me with those eyes that seem to blind my own. I start to pump him faster, and Johnny takes my head in his hands and presses me against his lips kissing me deeply and furiously as my hands work him closer and closer to the edge. 

"Shit....V...." He moans into my mouth, I bite his lip and he flinches slightly.

I then move to kiss his neck, sucking the sensitive areas behind his ears, and biting along his collar bone, continuing to pump his hard cock. Johnny eventually leans his head back against the wall, eyes clenched closed in an expression of pain, "V, I'm so close. Fuck...don't stop." He begs. 

His groans turn into heated pants, his stomach starts to flex and his breathing is uneven, his head pathetically falling into the crook of my neck as his moans become louder and his breathing faster, his hands grabbing at me wherever they can in an attempt to pull me closer. 

"V!" Johnny moans, " ...shit ..I'm gonna cum...fuck- don't stop." Johnny cries out, his hips stuttering as he thrusts into my palm. 

Right as I feel him getting close to the precipice of relief, so close that it would kill him I stopped, so close his world would fucking shatter if I stopped. 

I snatched my hand away. Wrenching a painful groan from Johnny's throat. 

"Agh! Fuck V! Fuck fuck fuck!" Johnny yells, tossing his sunglasses violently across the elevator, he slams a fist against the elevator once more in frustration. His cock twitching painfully, still in full arousal as he stares at me angrily. Johnny starts to laugh bitterly, slumping down onto the ground and rubbing his face in disbelief. 

Just as I was really starting to appreciate the vision of him becoming a writhing mess on the floor, he suddenly glitches out of sight before returning, everything back in place including those stupid sunglasses as he sneers in my face, "V, you fucking-" Johnny stops himself, "You're going to regret doing that. Oh fuck....ah...." Johnny quivered, his ruined orgasm wracking his body, like he didn't know what to do with himself, "Fuck! Finish me off you discount merc bitch!" 

Johnny's pants were still tented painfully around his erection, not everything could simply be reverted like an old save file, it seems. Good. 

I lick my lips, sticking a finger in my mouth to suck on it teasingly, "I don't think I will, Johnny." I tease, meanwhile Johnny's watching me like he wants nothing more than to throw me against the elevator and have his way with me.

"Maybe you'll do yourself a favor from now on and behave." I poke.

Finally I reach around Johnny and turn the elevator back on. The thing starts up, bouncing slightly before moving upward.

Johnny's hand shakes as it brings a cigarette up to his lips, lighting it and sucking in the smoke gratefully, "You're fucking crazy. You know that, V?" 

I smile inwardly, pacing closer to him, "So are you. Funny how that worked out, huh?" I laugh sarcastically. 

Johnny chuckles, a slight quiver to his voice, "I swear, I could strangle you for ruining that." Johnny bites his lip, staring daggers into me, "But then who would deepthroat me, huh V?" He asks, and something in my gut twists and suddenly I want to give up punishing him and give him exactly what he wants. 

Johnny swallows hard, "Ohhhh, fuck. Even I felt that." 

Johnny sucks in air through his teeth, "Glad we agree on one thing, V. You should suck me off more often." 

I feel a stronger want, a need between my legs to have him on me, inside me. Johnny's eyes slowly trace over my face, it feels like pages upon pages of words are exchanged between us in just one fleeting look. 

We stand in the elevator in silence, and never say them out loud. 

The elevator dings and I'm suddenly sick of these four walls, I can't wait to leave them. I look away and Johnny's gone, the doors open for me and I finally step out of that shitty fucking lift. 

I walk past 2nd Amendment and ignore Wilson calling after me, my phone beeps and I tiredly check the message. It's Vik, I let out a loud sigh as the message isn't a happy one. 

[V, get your ass over here as soon as you can. I want to talk to you. -Vik.] 

He's demanding an audience but I can't help but laugh at how he signs off on every text. 

I don't really want to go see him, but I know the lecture I'm avoiding is only to get worse the more I avoid it. I'd really rather go to bed....

....Just tell 'im you're busy, V....

Someone seems eager to get home, but am I petty enough to drag this out despite being so tired? 

Yes, I am. And it's back down the fucking elevator for me. 

The ripperdoc office is very close to home, and although the drive is short, Johnny is awfully quiet for its entirety. Whatever, I'm grateful for it. 

"Hey, V. You don't look so good." Misty greets me, her soft voice makes me feel better, even if it's just placebo. She reminds of the old days, for better or worse. 

"Not gonna get much better for a while, Misty." I reply, more deadpan than I meant, "'S'Vik here?" 

Misty nods, shuffling tarot cards before leaning back against the counter, "Want a reading before you go?" She asks with a polite smile.

I shake my head, pushing the door slightly, "I already know this is going to go badly." 

The door closes behind me and a sphinx cat brushes against my leg. It has no collar but I simply smile tightly at it and trudge down the steps to Vik's office. 

The large gates open up and Vik looks up from his position on his desk, he turns off his small screen that was playing a fight and swirls his chair around to face me. 

"Hey, V." Vik greets me, he smiles, he looks happy to see me and for a moment I feel a little more relaxed about coming here. 

"Hey, Vik." I stop in front of his chair, "You wanted to see me?" I encourage him, completely glossing over the urgency that was clearly present in his message. 

Vik sighs and clears his throat, standing and towering over me as he crosses his arms and squares his shoulders, "Yeah, wanted to talk to you about something." Vik paces around in front of me and my heart's in my throat again, "What's this I hear about you helping hunt down cyberpsychos?"

I open my mouth to defend myself but the words don't come, and I roll my eyes at Vik's concerned tone.

Vik takes that as confirmation that the rumors are true and shakes his head, throwing his hands up in exasperation, "Are you fucking serious V?" He starts, "You're going cyberpsycho yourself and you're wasting your time with Fixers?" 

"Vik, I still gotta make a living." I answer plainly, keenly aware it's a bullshit excuse. 

"Oh, bullshit, V." Vik groans, staring at me incredulously, "And the only way is to put yourself in harm's way?" He pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment, then shoots a hand out at me like he's demanding payment, "You haven't even come for a check up in weeks, and this is what you've been doing?" 

....Now look what you've done, V. 'Upset the old man....

"Vik, come on. I'm sorry. Look I'll come see you every week from now on. How's that?-" 

Vik puts his hand out to stop me, he doesn't buy it, doesn't wanna hear it, "V, please promise me you'll focus on yourself." He steps closer and places two strong hands on my shoulders, his muscular arms add an intense weight to my body and the metaphor is not lost on me, "Stop this nonsense, you don't have time to play vigilante."

I stare at him wide eyed, his closeness making me stutter. 

Vik sees a kid caught in a lie, "Christ, V. Sometimes I think you get some kind of sick enjoyment out of making me worry." 

....He doesn't know how right he is, does he....

"Who's the fixer?" Vik demands, what is it about sunglass wearing men that take me to the extremes of my emotions.

I groan, "Oh come on, Vik. You know I can't tell you that." And I really hope he stops asking because otherwise I may just tell him. 

"I wanna know who the fixer is, they should- they should know that-" Vik stumbles. 

"Know what, Vik? You shouldn't even know." I explained sternly, poking Vik's chest, "It would bring trouble on them so fast. Not that the fixer would even believe you." 

I sigh tiredly, placing a hand on Vik's shoulder, "Vik, I'm being careful. Trust me." 

Vik shakes his head, "I know. It's stupid. I'm just- I don't want to see you back in that chair anytime soon, kid." His rough hand slides over mine, "You know I'm not good at this stuff. But-" Vik shakes his head, a defeatedly expression on his face, like he's got no more fight in him, "I care about you." 

"I know, Vik." I reply solemnly, feeling guilty that I somehow made him say it.  
I swallow, "I'm sorry. You don't deserve me worrying you all the time." 

"It's not that, V." Vik replies, "I just wish you'd take better care of yourself. Much as I wish I could, I can't watch over you every minute of every day." 

My face relaxes and I think on Vik's words, why do I push so hard? Old habits die hard, of course, thanks to the life I used to lead. 

Vik looks like he wants to say more, like it pains him that he can't so instead he just says:  
"Listen, V. I'll always be here for you, alright? Just- please come by, and stop doing stupid shit." 

"I'll try, Vik. Thank you." 

Vik shakes his head, "I only wish I could do more for you, Kid." 

Neither of us know what more to say, Vik sits back down at his desk, slipping on his ripperdoc glove and continuing his tweaking on it. 

I place a hand on his shoulder as farewell, giving him a slight squeeze before walking out of his office. Vik wordlessly appreciates my gesture, watching me leave and waiting until he's sure that I'm gone before sighing and returning to his work. 

"Everything okay?" Misty asks innocently, chin resting on her palm as she studies a few cards in front of her. 

"Yeah, just Vik being overbearing again." I joke dryly. 

"Don't be mad at him, V. He cares and doesn't always know how to handle that, you know?" Misty offers, delicately turning over a new card that was faced down. 

I breathe in pensively, "Yeah. I guess you're right. Not sure I'd be able to handle it either, to be honest." 

Misty chuckles, "I remember when Jackie first introduced you to me and Mama Wells," Misty shuffles her deck, "You were suspicious of everyone actually, like you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop." 

I smile fondly at the memories, it was difficult time, one of the most difficult of my life. Losing everything, it's hardest the first time, the second and third, not any easier.

"I didn't think it was possible to get that lucky. To go from being surrounded by people who never gave a shit about me, and then suddenly have...a family?" I shook my head, "There was just no way." 

"We're still your family, V. Don't forget about us, okay?" Misty offers, her soft hand gently touching mine. 

I simply nod at her, feeling guilty once again. A part of me felt like I didn't have a right to them anymore, now that Jackie was gone.... 

"I'm gonna head home now, Misty. Need to rest my head." I finally pipe up.

Misty nods, her eyes sympathetic, "Come by again soon, V. Let me give you a reading."

"I will, Misty." 

Back in the car the exhaustion really hits me, I feel like closing my eyes for a few hours and just passing out in the car. A voice in my head tells me I can't do that in front of Vik's after the talking-to he just gave me. But the relic's so much louder and it shakes me from the idea of choice. There's suddenly a piercing screech in my head like metal on steel, and I swear I see sparks jumping from my eyes. I scream out in pain, praying that the red warnings and blaring lights stay in my line of sight because being lucid for this beats the connotations of passing out from the pain. 

"Johnny!?" I cry out, calling to the one person who shares in my horror of feeling like your head's about to explode. 

"I'm here, V." Johnny responds, "Let me take the wheel, I'll get us home." He states plainly. 

I can't feel the usual hint of coyness in his voice, but I'm still afraid of what he might do...."No, Johnny! Now's not the time to try another coup. Just- help!" 

Johnny rolls his head in silent frustration, "I want to, kid. But you're gonna have to trust me. Now come on, stop wasting time and just let me help you." He insists. 

The pain is getting worse, and the anxiety of going through this in public certainly isn't helping. I- I don't want to trust Johnny. It comes with too much....

But I fish a pseudoendotrizine from my pocket, and pop it into my mouth. 

Swallowing it dry.

Johnny takes over, my body responding much more positively to him. 

"Oh, V." Johnny sighs, looking into the rear view mirror, pressing a finger down on my under eye, frowning at the dark bags there thanks to many sleepless nights. 

Johnny feels a bubble of guilt in his chest, but he breathes in Night City air deeply. It feels good. It feels alive. 

....You selfish, prick....  
....You're going to betray her and run, aren't you....  
....You're a black hole, Johnny Silverhand. You take people and rip them to shreds....  
....This is your fault....

Johnny grips my head, reaching to lift sunglasses but finding my face bare, in shock he looks back in the mirror. 

He sighs at my face, "Loud in here, without you." 

Johnny puts the car in drive, muscle memory still there and pulls out of the alley near Misty's Esoterica. 

"Home's close, V. Don't worry, not gonna bust up either of these rides." He speaks to me, my voice coming out deeper and slightly echoed. Johnny knows I can't presently hear him but he talks regardless, eyes flicking to the rearview mirror when he does. 

He can't help but keep his gaze low as he walks past some police on the steps to my building, as if anyone will recognize him as Johnny Silverhand while he's wearing my face. 

Walking up to the elevator on the first floor Johnny pushes the button. 

Johnny repeatedly pushes the button. 

Johnny punches the button, shaking the locked steel doors. 

Johnny chuckles to himself, feeling the questioning eyes once again and turning around and waving stiffly at the annoyed stares. 

Gonna be known for being the neighborhood crazy at this point....

The elevator finally shakes to life and the lift screeches as it comes down to the first floor. Johnny blows an unruly strand of hair out of his face, tapping his foot impatiently and pushing his way into the elevator before the doors have even opened fully. 

Impatiently tapping the button to my floor the elevator moves back upward. The sun is rising in the sky and Johnny thinks now that he's got a moment of full control this might be his only chance to trick me into getting some sleep for once. 

Walking to my room, and peering out beyond the ramparts the sun doesn't have any foothold in this building, looking up it's clear this part of the building is still outdoors but it's so dark it feels like it's the middle of the night. It's easy to forget what day it is in a home like this, once upon a time that was useful, but there's no better reminder of times passing than threat of death. 

Johnny closes the door behind himself as he steps into my apartment, he throws off my jacket and toes off my shoes. 

"You're getting some rest, V. For once." Johnny speaks into the empty room. 

He gets under my covers, trying to pose himself in the most comfortable way, laying my head on my hand and second guessing himself on if this is how I usually sleep. Johnny finally closes my eyes and I get a full day of sleep.

I haven't had dreams in many years, or if I had then those dreams were forgotten as soon as I opened my eyes. But this dream's a stubborn one. And I see Johnny, I see myself, and a pIllar of light. I don't want to go to it, I don't want either of us to go to it. But why? 

"Ugh...Johnny?" I groan automatically, still half asleep as I wake up. The sun is up outside, and the light leaking into my room makes the headache worse. I lick my lips, my mouth feels sticky, and dry. 

Sitting up slowly, I clutch my head and am surprised to see Johnny sitting at the edge of my bed.  
Johnny doesn't turn towards me, elbows resting on his knees as he rubs his knuckles absentmindedly. 

I stare at him for a moment, expecting him to make some kind of snide remark, the usual. But he doesn't, I use the lull to reach over my bed, expecting to find some more stale beer but my hand bumps against a clean glass of water. I feel a wash of gratefulness and drink the water greedily. 

Setting the glass down when i'm done I still feel exhausted, dehydrated and in pain as I flop weakly back onto the bed. 

"Thanks." I mumble at Johnny, his back still toward me. 

His shoulders and head bob, I can't read his body language from this angle but he seems relaxed at least. 

"For what?" He answers finally. 

I rest my head on my arm, bumping my foot against his side. I almost don't register that for the first time in many days my shoes are off, I've almost forgotten the feeling of being off my feet. 

"For not taking control permanently." 

Johnny sighs disappointed, smacking his lips at me, "Not gonna do that, V." 

I shake my head, scoffing, "You say that but- why wouldn't you?" 

Johnny finally turns to look at me, a spiteful expression on his face, "Something called morals, V. Or do they train those out of you when you become a corpo rat?" 

I roll my eyes and scoot past him to get off the bed, throwing heavy steps as I trudge toward the bathroom. 

Suddenly Johnny's hand clasps around mine, I turn around to see him still sat on the bed, "What Johnny?" I groan, expecting a fight. 

His fingers curl around mine, tightening for a moment, threatening to pull me back, before letting go, "Nothin'." 

I stare at Johnny curiously, "Still mad about the elevator?" I question, making my way over to the sink in my bathroom. I turn on the mirror and stare at my reflection, to my surprise I look more rested than I've been in weeks. 

Johnny blows out air, shaking his head, "Nah." He gets up, slowly walking over to me, "Mostly impressed you had the balls to do somethin' like that." He jokes.

I laugh, admitting to myself that it was pretty out of character for me. There may have been many outside factors to cause that to happen but I can't deny I was definitely inspired. 

"So, how're you feeling?" Johnny asks, leaning casually against the bathroom doorway.

"Could've been worse." I answer plainly, turning the sink on. 

"Come on. Answer me straight for once." Johnny insists. 

"I will when you do." I reply, running my hands under the water, letting it pool and splashing it on my face. 

Johnny rolls his eyes and sighs at me, squaring his shoulders to stand next to me. I let my head hand over the sink for a few moments, letting the droplets of water pool at my nose and cheeks before falling into the drain. 

"Guess the sex didn't actually help, did it?" I joke halfheartedly, licking the small droplets water from my lips. 

Johnny's jaw clenches, pinching the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses, but a smirk makes it way through his frustrated embarrassment, "Well, you didn't let me finish that time so-" 

I shoot him a deadpan look at that, brows low as I glower at him. Johnny throws his hands up in mock surrender, laughing gently, "I'm fuckin' with ya."

I straighten my back, drying my face with a nearby towel, "Yesterday- or was it the day before yesterday? I don't remember," I sigh, tossing the towel aside, "You said you felt like you were in a conversation with yourself."

Johnny starts to nod his head along with my words, getting my question before I've asked it, "Yeah. Like I said, got like that with Alt. Just- mad." 

"Why?" 

Johnny shrugged, "Alt got to me." 

I chuckled bitterly, "Something tells me you and Vik would get along." 

Johnny scrunched his brows at me, his eyes squinting questioningly. 

"Seems like...the process was sped up for a moment. Got a little too familiar with how you react to..." I trailed off, not wanting to speak too much on what my outburst meant. Hoping and simultaneously dreading that Johnny might possibly understand what I was getting at. But how could he not? He's the process I'm speaking off, we share thoughts and intentions. 

"And it seems to me like- you don't care about anything." Johnny watches me carefully, a look that's too close to pity on his face, "You're kind of a hedonist." He chuckles bitterly. 

I turn towards the imposing man, staring at him with trepidation, brows knit together, "Guess it brought out the worst of us, in each other." 

Johnny nods slowly, piecing the parts together in his own head. If being together in that way infused the other with a concentration of their negative traits then the obvious solution that anyone would tell us is to stop. Right? That's all that's left to do. There's no drive to continue. We're not friends. We're not even attracted to each other right? 

"V." Johnny interrupts me, "I think for once, this is a problem we should ignore." 

My heart jumps into my throat, my eyes go wide and I stutter, "What? What're you saying?" 

Johnny's shoulders tense, feeling an intense wave of anxiety, coming from somewhere outward and it lodges itself in his own chest. Johnny steps forward quickly, shaking his head, "I mean- let's pretend the last few days never happened." 

I swallow hard, "Oh." I reply solemnly, but nod firmly in agreement, balling my hands into determined fists, "I think that'd be for the best." 

I look over at Johnny, I feel something light and golden and it reaches out to him. I feel grateful. Johnny's brows knit together, feeling it in himself across our connection. He doesn't understand why it's there, even I don't understand why it's there, and his eyes flick up to meet mine. 

"That's enough, V." Johnny groans, pushing his sunglasses up on his face before walking away, "All I did was get you home." 

Left alone in front of the mirror once again I sigh to myself. Looks like it's back to business as usual, not that much had really changed. Johnny and I butted heads just as much as before. Just that now an added complication of sex was thrown in, and said sex came with a whole new complication we had invented, and all in the span of a few days. 

One thing's definitely true about the legend of Johnny Silverhand. He's damn good at breaking things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited this chapter to add something I should've just added before. Sorry :)

**Author's Note:**

> Johnny!?
> 
> I'm writing a second chapter? I must be going cyberpsycho!


End file.
